My Nightmare
by Miraakulous Dragoneye
Summary: Very dark, very angst. SpectraxGus


That night they came again, the dreams. Or perhaps nightmares would be more fitting.

-x-

He answered questions whenever he was asked directly. At first, anyway. Most of the time, he just sat in a haze of pain and silence. But the silence just made it worse; the silence got too loud. So he'd get up, start blasting loud music, usually screamo. It was the loudest, and he couldn't understand half they shit they were singing about anyway.

No, not enough. A distraction. Pull all the DVDs out from the wrack beside the TV. Reorganize them, spread them all out in perfect alignment. Small, meaningless task, but it did it's job, occupying his thoughts. He got up from the floor to get coffee, pulled the mug down from the kitchen cabinet.

" _How can you handle that much caffeine?"_

He froze, the mug clenched in his hands.

" _Mmm, it's what I like." he smiled. An actual smile, something he hadn't done in so long. Other memories came flooding in…_

 _Soft blue hair, twisted around his fingers. Pale lids shut over green eyes. Lips, swollen from kisses, curled upward into a smile. The words whispered between breaths._

" _I love you."_

He hurled the mug at the wall, shattering it in an explosion of ceramic. Ragged breaths tore out of his chest and his hands shook; suddenly violent, he started snatching all the mugs down from the cabinet, smashing them to bits against the wall, the floor. Shards flew back, cutting his bare feet, landing in his hair, one slicing his cheek.

She found him later. Sitting on the floor with his face in his hands, shards of pottery around him. She helped him up, taking him to the bathroom and making him sit on the edge of the tub; pulling the shards out of his feet, putting peroxide in the shallow slices, the one on his cheek. Picking the shards out of his hair. He didn't say anything the whole time, and she didn't ask for an explanation. Finished, she guided him to his room, tucked him in. Sat beside him on the bed, speaking in quiet tones.

"Remember when we were little, and I would always beg you to read to me?"

Words. Meaningless words. But they helped, lulling him into a state of calm.

"Keith."

He half opened his eyes to find tears falling from hers; numbly, he reached out and took her hand, conscious enough now that he attempted to fill in the role that he always tried to hard to fill. She clung to his hand like it was a lifeline.

"Keith, I know you miss him, but I can't stand seeing you like this." she cried, choking back a sob. "Gus loved you. He wouldn't want to see you like this!"

There it was. The past tense.

"It should have been me." he said bitterly, the self-loathing crystal clear in his voice. "I should've protected him better." He rolled over onto his side, hugging his chest as pain like no other threatened to rip his heart apart. He gasped out in pain: "It should have been me."

"Keith, don't say that!" she cried, grabbing onto him.

He didn't hear her. He was going in a downward spiral that wouldn't stop until he hit rock bottom.

-x-

He started drinking. Strong, heavy liquor that burned it's way down his throat, clouding his thoughts and blurring the pain until it almost wasn't there.

Almost.

Sometimes, though, through the haze, memories swam to the surface.

" _Keith, time to wake up."_

 _The blonde man just kept snoring softly, lying on his stomach beside the bluenette._

" _Keith," the blue haired man sighed. Slowly, he carded his nails up the other man's muscled back, leaning down to nuzzle the other man's cheek, bits of strawberry blonde stubble scrubbing his cheek. "Keith. Up"_

" _I am up. Where it counts." the blonde man hummed sleepily, turning his head to meet the green eyed gaze of his everything._

His everything was gone now.

The memory blurred away, leaving nothing behind but tears in his eyes. He raised the bottle to his lips, knocking it back.

The memories kept coming.

" _Keith, I'm trying to cook."_

" _And I'm helping."_

" _Coming up behind me every ten seconds and grabbing me isn't 'helping.'"_

" _Then what would you call it?"_

" _Distracting."_

" _Mmm, no. I'm definitely helping." Keith hummed, once again snaking his arms around the bluenette's waist, pressing his face into the crook of his neck._

" _Keith-" Gus cut off as the tall blonde started kissing along his neck. The bluenette's body melted back against the bigger man's chest, half-shutting his eyes. A burning smell started to fill the air. Gus snapped out of it, lunging forward and cutting the element off on the stove. "Shit." He turned, glaring at Keith, who wore an innocent expression that might've been convincing if not for the smirk on his lips. "You're still going to eat it. ALL of it."_

" _Okay." Keith said, still smirking._

He wished he could remember what it was that Gus had been cooking. It bothered him to no end that he forgot even the slightest detail.

 _Keith let his fingers trail in lazy circles on Gus' stomach, kissing his shoulder and getting the faint taste of salt on his lips. He had the blue haired man pulled against his chest, half asleep, both of them slick with sweat, the bed sheet bunched around their waists_

That was one of the most painful parts, that he didn't have that anymore. Having sex and then falling asleep tangled up in each other's arms, waking up the next morning, still vaguely sweaty and Gus' warm breath puffing out gently, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. And now….when he stretched his arm across the bed in the morning, it was empty.

So he stopped sleeping in the bed. Stopped sleeping at all, really. Sometimes he caved, falling asleep on the couch or the floor. But he never stayed that way for long.

-x-

He stopped eating. Even the small bites he would force down so Mira wouldn't worry. It all just felt so… meaningless now. He barely had the strength to move, and his eyes had faded, turning gray, lifeless.

One night, Mira came to sit beside him on the floor. Silent tears slid down her cheeks, but he didn't react. He was too far gone.

-x-

" _Gus, look at me!"_

" _Please, Gus…"_

" _Wake-up."_

" _Gus, please wake up…"_

" _Baby?"_

" _Baby, please."_

" _I love you."_

" _Come back."_

" _I need you."_

" _Please."_

-x-

He was cold. So, so cold. And so, so tired. He didn't have the strength to go on anymore. The will to fight. A steady wave of darkness was rising up, threatening to swallow him whole, but he didn't have the will to fight it.

" _Keith."_ A familiar, worried voice said. " _Keith, wake up"_

Gus…?

Oh, Gus… Make it stop…

Soft lips touched his, a hand pushed his hair back.

" _Keith, wake up."_

-x-

Keith jolted awake, sitting up, gasping as tears pooled in his eyes.

"Shh...Keith, it's okay. I'm here. I'm right here." Gus held him, forcing him to lay back down, comforting him.

"I-I'm sorry. It just… felt so real." he said, taking in a deep shaking breath.

"Shh...it was just a bad dream." Gus murmured, stroking his hair back. "Just a dream…"

* * *

PLOT TWIST, MOTHERFUCKER.

Anyway, hope you all enjoyed. This was inspired after making a post on G plus. Like to thank Zira the Shiny Eevee for the inspiration.


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